Smell like Jack Bauer with 24: The Fragrance

When I settled down to watch the last series of 24, starring indestructible counter-terrorism agent Jack Bauer, the last thing that crossed my mind was that I'd like to smell like the man – gunpowder, sweat and blood are not my favourite scents in the world.

But the head honchos at Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation think differently. They have licensed their character to manufacturer ScentStory, which has now launched an assault on the UK fragrance market (no doubt torturing and double-crossing it too) with 24: The Fragrance – "inspired by Jack Bauer and the award-winning TV show."

As if owning all eight seasons of the programme on DVD and a 6-inch Jack Bauer replica action figure is not enough, fans of the hit series can now spray themselves all over with the unique, powerful scent of Kiefer Sutherland's CTU agent.

A spokesman for The Fragrance Shop, where Bauer obssessives can exclusively purchase the aftershave, said: "The man behind this exceptional perfume is enigmatic with incredible self-assurance. He conveys an air of extreme distinction. He is urban, cosmopolitan, but above all a hero."

This is not a joke.

Already one of the "hottest and most distinguished" scents for men in the US, what I am calling the "Bauer bouquet" opens with a vibrant and dynamic blend of coriander, mandarin orange and bergamot, before giving way to a flash of lemon. It also contains cedar wood, a spicy oriental core and boasts "gripping and cliff-hanging sensations" with notes of vanilla and ambergris. A dash of agarwood finishes the scent off.

Agarwood is found in southeast Asia and, as fans of the series know, Bauer is nothing if not well-travelled – who could fail to be impressed by Bauer's gun-toting exploits in "Sangala" in 24: Redemption?

The best thing about the 24 aftershave is probably the "collectable" bottle, which we are told echoes the masculine notes of the scent itself. It is indeed a tiny thing of majesty, looking a little like a grenade (so much so that one colleague told me its target market would find it "useful to throw at student demos").

So what does it smell like? More prosaic descriptions of the aftershave among willing testers in the Guardian office ranged from "mosquito-repellent" to "musty" via "flowers and bubblegum". Kinder comments included: "OK but lacking complexity", "not bad" and "it smells of sophisticated danger" – the latter said with a raised eyebrow.

Just as I squirted it on my phone rang, and I half-expected it to be CTU analyst Chloe ringing with some hot intel for me – it was merely a PR executive offering me an exciting story on broadband bills. "Dammit", as Bauer would say.

Personally, I consider aftershave important enough to seek out a rarer scent than you find on the high street, with a fragrance from boutique perfumier Pecksniffs my current eau de jour, so I am far from 24's target market. But I didn't find it immediately unpleasant. It is indeed lacking in complexity, with light floral notes giving way to a bland, inoffensive aroma that will probably not appeal to those who choose their scents with care.

But teenagers and younger men might find it alluring enough and will no doubt amuse themselves by squirting it 24 times every day or spraying it while adopting a gun pose. Hilarious.

I think the true market is for novelty buyers, making it surprising this wasn't launched for Christmas. Posts on the 24 Fragrance Facebook wall seem to indicate the same. Users have written comments such as: "I'm going to fill a bath with this and soak in it ..." and "if this cologne smells as good as Jack Bauer looks, then it must be out of control with awesome."

The fragrance must, then, have been designed (and marketed) to appeal to ironic fans of Bauer, who find humour in his repetitive "terrorist-bothering", as Charlie Brooker calls it. But this has been done many times before, not least in the 1960s, when the 007 aftershave was launched – albeit with the unironic tagline: "The license to kill ... women." It's been parodied too – who can forget Rocky Balboa's doomed attempt to flog Beast to his fans in Rocky II?

But at £19.99 a pop for the 50ml version and £29.99 for the 100ml bottle, will you be covering yourself in the rebellious stench of Jack Bauer? Would you buy it as an amusing present for a friend, lover, husband or neighbourhood MI5 agent?